i take it back:
my heart never breaks for you, but rather swells engorged each accidental bump inflames it, raw and sensitive anew
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my heart breaks so quietly; i catch each piece before it even hits the floor 3AM
Wake (alone), your cologne on the soft of my arm. you didn't put it there on purpose, or rub it off in lover's passion but still i cannot sleep. i only cannot sleep when I've seen you. I'm scared of losing things i have already lost The song I wrote a few nights ago, but with a prettier guitar part! feet slipping sideways
lorries parting on highways Honey, don't slip away. speed down the freeway as we're gaining some leeway Honey, don't make me be free. linch-pin rattling, tires straddling the double-yellow line we gobbled up time we could have spent testing the brakes Honey, don't let me slip away. squeezing my finger. eyes only linger on runaway lanes. broken panes litter the breakdown ahead Honey, don't slip me away. I.
My name is Maria. I was driving alone. My rental car broke down. The bus picked me up. I only came to use the phone. I need to tell my husband. We arrived. I started running. II. My name is alone. I was driving broke down. My rental car picked me up The bus arrived. I only came to use my husband. We broke my husband. I started to tell. III. I was Maria alone. My name started running. IV. My husband broke down. The bus broke down. Maria broke down. I picked me up. (c) mbscarpa 2014 This article speaks to an issue I struggle with in my own approach to life, relationships and the greater world.
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/ Sometimes I feel like I am SUPPOSED to be focusing on the negative. I walk through life with a lot of trust, and there are times when this is maybe not the best idea. I worry that I am perhaps endangering myself when trusting, and this worry often pressures me to focus on the negative, in an effort to avoid being naive. Sometimes I worry that my optimism points to some fundamental level of stupidity; that when I see the lovely things in the world, the shining parts of people, I somehow willfully ignore the harder parts, the uglier side of things. I worry that I am closing my eyes and inviting danger, heartbreak, and other unsavory things. But the tension between my organic inclination, and the way I try to force myself to view the world creates more problems than just being optimistic would have by itself. This article gives me hope (and shows the scientific data), that gratitude and seeing good, rather than making one vulnerable or inviting disaster actually CREATES MORE GOOD. ON A RELATED NOTE: I saw the movie Maleficent a couple weeks ago. I went not expecting much, but I really enjoyed it; there was a care taken in the storytelling, and it brought to light narratives that don't usually get air time There is a moment when Princess Aurora (Elle Fanning), confronts Maleficent (Angelina Jolie), the fairy who has cursed her. Maleficent is prepared for Aurora to be terrified. But she isn't. Instead, Aurora in intrigued, loving and trusting; she sees Maleficent as a benevolent force in her life. The fact is, both things are true; Maleficent has been a destructive force in her life, but she has also saved Aurora's life many times (her fairy guardians are entirely inept at raising a human, and Maleficent filled in the gaps in their skills). Aurora grew up feeling safe, and Maleficent's shadow and presents has positive associations for her. It does not occur to the princess to interact in any way but filled with love and wonder. The two develop a bond, to the slight reluctance of Maleficent. If Aurora had acted in response to either Maleficent's harsh appearance, or to a sense of obligation to fear her (whether felt or not), she could have invited violent confrontation rather than the friendship that ensues. It was affirming to see this story played out, in light of my own concerns about love, kindness and optimism. |
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March 2016
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